Current Comedy, 11/2/08: Dewey Defeats Truman

By all rights and reasons, by the time you read this, Barack Hussein Obama should have become, or be fast on his way to becoming, the next president of the United States.
Despite all the Newsmax articles lamely linking Obama with every troublemaker from Bill Ayers to Tony Soprano (I swear!) Obama overcometh, or so it seems. Despite Fox News laughingly condescending and falsely maligning him for 18 months and Glenn Beck nightly reaching low grade orgasm in loving his loathing of the man. And Hannity and Rush and Savage and Kristol and Ingram, ad nauseum. Despite CNN pretending to journalistic integrity as they ballyhoo everybody-else’s every outlandish claim against the man. And Keith Olberman nightly discrediting liberals
Despite McCain lying about his tax cut more than one hundred times in campaign rallies and a lapdog media reporting the lie at least half as often and Palin conducting lynching parties, excuse me, I mean rallies, so Jim Crow, John Lewis himself had to step up to be crucified to get the complaint lodged. Despite being single handedly responsible for justifying the potential launch of a singing career for Joe the Plumber.
Despite the fact that many of us on the left still find ourselves analyzing how many concessions we’ve had to make with our own beliefs systems to support his campaign even though he purports to be pro-Israel, pro-Death Penalty, pro-Bailout, pro-Ethanol, Clean Coal, and anti-Single Payer Health Care.
Despite his terrorist knuckle bump, Angela Davis emulating wife, being secretly foreign born with no birth certificate, and being “officially” labeled the most liberal senator in Congress. Despite spending two years being dissed by opponents in his own party, and being hated so much by fans of the opposing party that one would fake her own beating, blacken an eye and carve a backward B into her cheek in the hopes it would somehow look right when not in a mirror, just to do her part to damage his chances.
Despite having to wake up every day and know that across the country you are probably second only to George Bush as the most hated man in America; and further knowing that only the first rounds of neo-Nazis and meth heads has yet been arrested for plotting to kill you. Knowing that if you should win the presidency the number of domestic terrorist plotting against will multiply. Despite knowing all that and still going out every day and displaying a white shirt suitable as a target.
Despite all those years secretly hanging out in Madrasas and that whole Wright-is-wrong thing, the Barry who became Barack has made the American Dream about as absolutely as can be imagined. This child’s story arc is as far a rise in American society as is possible. Twain’s Prince and the Pauper was more plausible: the two year old Black baby of divorced White female, who grows up in Indonesia and Hawaii, rises to lead a nation that once would have kept him in chains.
For Barack Obama’s story to be any more amazing he would have to sprout wings and fly, walk on water, leap tall buildings in a single bound or actually end a war, provide health care and balance a budget.
At latest count, somebody’s poll probably has him at like 70 kajillion electoral votes to McCain 41. USA Today lists nation wide voter registration increases that show new voters avoiding Republicanism like anal rashes. And yet--
And yet among many Michael Moore in what had to be one of the scariest costumes out this Halloween, the fat sloppy disillusioned liberal, comes on Democracy Now big deal Friday before Election Night episode and warns the fix is in and we have be to prepared to rise up after the fraud commences. Gore Vidal among others sends an open letter to Obama fearing fraud and begging him not to concede. The race that looks so winning is not even run yet and his supporters are already rehearsing their consolation speeches.
With the Crab bucket mentality of Republicans however, anything is possible. You know the story of the crab bucket: it doesn’t have to be too deep a hole to keep crabs captive. For any time one tries to rise up the others pull him down. As we read about the GDP contracting on the same day we see Exxon breaking new quarterly profit records, Repubs aim to win on the backs of the Average Joes they are helping hate him. The Republican scorched earth campaign has burnt many bridges that will have to be rebuilt. If Obama wins all the hate will be left over and focused on him.
But if McCain wins, as James Carville has warned, expect riots. But keep this in mind: even with thousands being thrown off the rolls, waves of voters intimidation expected, electronically aided vote flipping and absent absentee votes already reported, record voter turn-out met by minimal preparation and the typical sundry shenanigans, it should not be enough to keep this thing from still looking like anything less than a landslide.
Dewey Defeats Truman? Could be. We’ve seen some pretty far-fetched scenarios shoved down our throat during these last eight years. The possibility is not even in doubt. The question is what happens if we decide not to swallow it this time?
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of Arizona.