Yep, you read that title right. So stop the presses, whatever other news you were thinking about ignoring, ignore this one first.
I know, I know, you were hoping I would comment on Georgia Representative Paul Broun setting a new North American land speed record, and coming in a close second to the world record time, for calling a newly minted world leader a “Hitler.” Last week, displaying his lightning fast GOP-style smearing techniques, Rep. Broun labeled Barack Obama a Hitler less than ten days after his election. The only faster recorded time was that of the Berlin press corps who on Jan. 30, 1933 called Hitler a “Hitler” on the pretty much the same day of his appointment as Chancellor. It will stay a hard record to break.
I also do not intend to expound on Fox News finally noticing that Obama did indeed run as a centrist; nor will I re-demonize the de-demonizers who are currently trying to demonize the demonizers of President Bush. I apologize for not bashing those apologists. This is better than that whole roundelay, here’s the news: Little Georgie just lost his very own Iraq War.
That’s right, in breaking news on Monday Nov. 17, 2008, the US and Iraq signed a finalizing peace accord with a, gets this, a “timetable” creating a schedule for US troops leaving the country, evacuating according to terms dictated not by Bush, but by Iraq. Iraqi government spokesperson Ali al-Dabbagh framed impending departure like this: the “best possible, available option” was for US “forces [to] withdraw on June 30, 2009 from cities and districts to bases agreed upon by Iraq and the US administration. This date is not liable to change according to the situation on ground. The date is definite and final."
The US would further be required to vacate the country entirely, including all the personnel for all those big beautiful bases we just built/bought, all 150,000 Americans, by New Year’s Eve 2011. Let me repeat that last line from the Iraqi spokesman for you: “This date is not liable to change according to the situation on ground. The date is definite and final.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, that is definitely what we call ‘getting told’ and who gets told in a war? The losers. If you win, you stay however long you want, like McCain once said. We still have troops in Japan and Germany after 60 years and everybody knows we kicked their butts. In comparison we don’t have soldiers in Vietnam, do we? Well, no live ones.
As of yet, realization of this defeat has probably not registered on your American viewing public. Last word we had from Bush and the “stay-on-message” team of GOP operatives, the Repub talking point was to not set timetables. It was tantamount to admitting defeat. McCain for example, Bush’s bitch since the ’04 election, would never broach anything that could even remotely be construed as somehow related to defeat.
In fact the GOP philosophy of “don’t ask and don’t tell about timetables” eventually jumped the shark while in McCain’s fumble-fisted fingers when he stretched it to a point of being proud of himself because he was willing to keep fighting in Iraq for hundred years just to show how repulsive the very idea of timetables were to him.
But look, if Iraq can tell us when and how to leave, we are not in control of the country anymore. Though as many would note who have swum through this quagmire these last six years, in many ways America lost the war in Iraq right around the time we thought we had won it and decided not to leave. Late ’03, Saddam was finally captured, wrapped up like a gift wrapped X-mas turkey. That was the good news: one of our two clearly stated goals had just been actually accomplished: topple Hussein.
The other stated goal wasn’t going quite as well. We had already ruined the occupation on the ground with L. Paul Bremmer’s de-Baath-ification program and dismantling the Iraqi Army so they could re-assemble as the Iraqi Insurgence. We’d let five thousand years of history be looted so we could guard the oil ministry records of wells that were on fire. But most importantly by that point it had become all too obvious America had failed in our other noble cause: the WMDs.
We never found any because they hadn’t been there in the first place. Like many of us knew all along. Some of us who knew better protested the genocide. While others, who also knew all along, conducted it. Right then, right there mid-December ’03 a moral world leader would have said, “We were wrong about the whole WMD thing, but hey, we got Saddam. Sorry for breaking your country. We’re outta here.”
And that moment, when the US didn’t say that, was when we lost the war. The rest of the world knew a long time ago what we finally had to be told: we don’t belong in Iraq and we need to leave.
Thanks again, George Jr. You have outdone your dad when it comes to ruining a war for us.The man who once made the whole world fixate on his trussed up codpiece as he boasted before a banner proclaiming “Mission Accomplished,” who would later whisper to Bob Woodward in private that his advice on Iraq to the next president would be “don’t let it fail,” just got told “get out” of the country he once so willfully occupied. Defeat never tasted so sweet. The irony is almost too delicious, except for all the dead Iraqis.
And their blood on our hands.
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of AZ
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Current Comedy 11/11/08: The Old “Wake up the Morning after Screaming,‘Oh My God, What Have We Done’” Routine
You May Ask Yourself, Where Does That Highway Lead To?
And You May Say To Yourself, Oh My God, What Have I Done?
--Talking Heads, “Once in a Lifetime”
It’s morning in America. Like the teenager once so hypnotized by the brilliant glow in her boyfriend’s eyes, who now finds herself sneaking back into the house with unsightly stains in unmentionable places, many Americans woke up on Wednesday Nov. 5th checking themselves for long-term effects of their debauchery. A Black man elected president, Mandingo never seemed so taboo. And here we had done it. Obama had made a dream come true, right then, right there for so many Americans. Now what?
Change has come, but just where it is going is still anybody’s guess. Who would have thought that a politician’s website would become a national overnight sensation giving America a new idol to ogle at Change.gov. Or that suddenly policy wonking is sexy again. Who would have thought a Peruvian Hairless would have a chance at being First Mutt, or that Americans would “ooh and ah” over a trick as old as Checkers.
Elsewhere Obama graces special issues of People Magazine and kids of creeps across America woke up on the 5th to find Obama hadn’t sold their parents into white slavery, made Islam the official religion or forced them to marry gay people. However the “Obama is the Antichrist” bloggers are s&*(#@ in their pants right now as crowds around the world go wild and ignite a global spirit of uniting.
It seems we actually have a liberal majority in America and that the propaganda the right’s been force feeding us over these last several years is exactly the malarkey many thought it was all along. Just one of the many distortions we might find lodged in the filter American media uses to shield the American public. Now what do we do now that we got him?
Well, like with any straw man trussed up to appear presidential, it doesn’t take long for the buffoonery to show. When Joe Biden warned Obama would be tested in less than six months by some world leader, no one realized the test would come, not from abroad, but from typically slimy Dems in his own party and secret provisions in the Big Deal Bailout. It turns out as so often happens with the Dems, once the rhetoric is over and we get down to definitions, it seems they prefer to define “change” as “change from your hand to mine.”
Democracy Now is currently reporting that a heretofore secret passage of the $700 billion, no make that 850 billion, no actually it is well over a trillion tax dollar giveaway to big business has, not only the already acknowledged 13 billion dollar CEO bonus component, but also a clandestine $140 billion windfall profits clause that Dem senator Max Baucus didn’t want you to know about. According to the Washington Post, “Staffers with Senate Finance Committee chair, Max Baucus, a Democrat, reportedly asked that an administration briefing on the tax code change be kept secret. … Congressional aides admitted lawmakers agreed to keep the change hidden to avoid public outrage.”
Cats out of the bag and I’m ready to be outraged. How about you?
How Obama handles this mess will define the kind of president we purchased. Hopefully it won’t show that Bush isn’t the only one capable of squandering massive amounts of goodwill when given a little taste of power.
To complicate matters, at this same time in the same state where foul-up hedge fund managers are soon to be rewarded with even more tax payer money, the state of New York is planning to cut billions out of services, so citizens will suffer so the wealthy can get wealthier. “In with the new boss--” Meanwhile the Fed is loaning so much money out that they will not reveal the names of the companies in question in fear the news will threaten the market. “--Same as the old boss.”
So, it looks like the first real test Obama has to face will not come from abroad but from the way the American elite including his own party are all too visibly bilking the American public. Villains like Iran, North Korea, Chavez, will have to wait their turn, if America continues to be its own worst enemy.
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of AZ.
And You May Say To Yourself, Oh My God, What Have I Done?
--Talking Heads, “Once in a Lifetime”
It’s morning in America. Like the teenager once so hypnotized by the brilliant glow in her boyfriend’s eyes, who now finds herself sneaking back into the house with unsightly stains in unmentionable places, many Americans woke up on Wednesday Nov. 5th checking themselves for long-term effects of their debauchery. A Black man elected president, Mandingo never seemed so taboo. And here we had done it. Obama had made a dream come true, right then, right there for so many Americans. Now what?
Change has come, but just where it is going is still anybody’s guess. Who would have thought that a politician’s website would become a national overnight sensation giving America a new idol to ogle at Change.gov. Or that suddenly policy wonking is sexy again. Who would have thought a Peruvian Hairless would have a chance at being First Mutt, or that Americans would “ooh and ah” over a trick as old as Checkers.
Elsewhere Obama graces special issues of People Magazine and kids of creeps across America woke up on the 5th to find Obama hadn’t sold their parents into white slavery, made Islam the official religion or forced them to marry gay people. However the “Obama is the Antichrist” bloggers are s&*(#@ in their pants right now as crowds around the world go wild and ignite a global spirit of uniting.
It seems we actually have a liberal majority in America and that the propaganda the right’s been force feeding us over these last several years is exactly the malarkey many thought it was all along. Just one of the many distortions we might find lodged in the filter American media uses to shield the American public. Now what do we do now that we got him?
Well, like with any straw man trussed up to appear presidential, it doesn’t take long for the buffoonery to show. When Joe Biden warned Obama would be tested in less than six months by some world leader, no one realized the test would come, not from abroad, but from typically slimy Dems in his own party and secret provisions in the Big Deal Bailout. It turns out as so often happens with the Dems, once the rhetoric is over and we get down to definitions, it seems they prefer to define “change” as “change from your hand to mine.”
Democracy Now is currently reporting that a heretofore secret passage of the $700 billion, no make that 850 billion, no actually it is well over a trillion tax dollar giveaway to big business has, not only the already acknowledged 13 billion dollar CEO bonus component, but also a clandestine $140 billion windfall profits clause that Dem senator Max Baucus didn’t want you to know about. According to the Washington Post, “Staffers with Senate Finance Committee chair, Max Baucus, a Democrat, reportedly asked that an administration briefing on the tax code change be kept secret. … Congressional aides admitted lawmakers agreed to keep the change hidden to avoid public outrage.”
Cats out of the bag and I’m ready to be outraged. How about you?
How Obama handles this mess will define the kind of president we purchased. Hopefully it won’t show that Bush isn’t the only one capable of squandering massive amounts of goodwill when given a little taste of power.
To complicate matters, at this same time in the same state where foul-up hedge fund managers are soon to be rewarded with even more tax payer money, the state of New York is planning to cut billions out of services, so citizens will suffer so the wealthy can get wealthier. “In with the new boss--” Meanwhile the Fed is loaning so much money out that they will not reveal the names of the companies in question in fear the news will threaten the market. “--Same as the old boss.”
So, it looks like the first real test Obama has to face will not come from abroad but from the way the American elite including his own party are all too visibly bilking the American public. Villains like Iran, North Korea, Chavez, will have to wait their turn, if America continues to be its own worst enemy.
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of AZ.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
11 Laugh Lines Learned in the Latest Election-revised
With Obama poised Janus-like at the cross roads of American history, liberals await smoke signals. Will we finally have an agenda where a government of, for, or about the people won't be slandered as socialist, but recognized as insuring domestic tranquility and promoting the general welfare?
Or, will the tacitly accepted branding of the centrist Barack Obama as a liberal lead to a new rightward shift in the "Stereotype" of liberalism like Clinton's election did? Giving the nod to Rahm Emanuel and Clinton –era John Podesta suggest that Obama will in some ways be a continuation of business as usual. It could be a way to right shift what the left looks like.
Either way, the world has shifted:
1) You can't win by appealing to your base. It was a lesson in this election that kept multiple Obama supporters muzzled while McCain's crowd bit the hand that fed them. Actual liberals kept their mouths shut to let Obama cajole the mainstream crowd. Meanwhile the McCain-Palin traveling tent revival and side show threw red meat and hoked it up for the god and country crowd. Grand Old Partyers may have had themselves a fine old time, but watching footage of it scared the piss out of the rest of us.
2) If you throw enough crap around, a bunch of it sticks … to you. And after hearing them a thousand times, really, "yes we can" is a lot more appealing 3 word summation of a world view than, "Other Guy Sucks."
3) Your cousin Adolph can come out of hiding now. Sticks and stone will still break our bones, but names sure aren't hurting us anymore if anyone with any name named Hussein can wind up being the president.
4) Republicans can't add. McCain aped the elephant line about not wanting to waste government spending on anything as frivolous as, say, services, except for the armed ones, of course. Then in the guise of saving money, McCain supported the Bush's outsourcing model that meant hiring companies like Halliburton and Black Water to first screw us over with cost plus contracts, then stand around and not do government work, as if they could not do their jobs any better than real government workers already don't do their jobs. Paying for corporate profits on top of the cost of poorly getting your business done is not a way to save money.
5) John McCain doesn't know what good representation is. As an AZ resident these last eight years, I have been continually amazed at Mr. Anti-Earmark's gall to suggest that not working to steer government spending back to the home folks is counts as good representation. McCain bragged about his record of having secured NO special projects for AZ. Gee thanks, John. Earmark spending is called pork barrel because that is the sign of the man we sent to Washington bringing home the bacon.
6) Take a flippin' e-mail, dude, People of the 21st century are not impressed you stopped being tech savvy when 8 tracks ruled.
7) Bitchiness is still ugly even in $150, 000 worth of business suits. And if that kind of behavior is what passes for Christianity these days, it is small wonder fire and brimstone leave such a bad taste in so many people's mouth.
8) Old War Heroes may never die, but that doesn't mean we want to hear about it for the rest of our lives.
9) If you don't like big government, quit. Come on McCain, everybody knows the US Gov. is the largest employer in the world and it needs to stay that way. Arguing that under your leadership you would shrink government translates out to saying that you are just as ruthless as any other selfish CEO who thinks nothing of laying off thousands of workers in favor of a bottom line.
10) Cities are where the people are. In urban counties across America Obama routinely snagged as much as 80% of the vote—Phoenix and Forth Worth being typical of the exceptions. Even in the reddest of states, cities went blue and when it comes down to it doesn't matter how much land you have, dirt don't vote.
11) In the end it didn't matter who all the right and the media tried to tie to Obama's coattails, the scariest affiliation remained being too closely associated with the world's leading terrorist: George Bush.
--mikel weisser writes from the Left Coast of Arizona.
Or, will the tacitly accepted branding of the centrist Barack Obama as a liberal lead to a new rightward shift in the "Stereotype" of liberalism like Clinton's election did? Giving the nod to Rahm Emanuel and Clinton –era John Podesta suggest that Obama will in some ways be a continuation of business as usual. It could be a way to right shift what the left looks like.
Either way, the world has shifted:
1) You can't win by appealing to your base. It was a lesson in this election that kept multiple Obama supporters muzzled while McCain's crowd bit the hand that fed them. Actual liberals kept their mouths shut to let Obama cajole the mainstream crowd. Meanwhile the McCain-Palin traveling tent revival and side show threw red meat and hoked it up for the god and country crowd. Grand Old Partyers may have had themselves a fine old time, but watching footage of it scared the piss out of the rest of us.
2) If you throw enough crap around, a bunch of it sticks … to you. And after hearing them a thousand times, really, "yes we can" is a lot more appealing 3 word summation of a world view than, "Other Guy Sucks."
3) Your cousin Adolph can come out of hiding now. Sticks and stone will still break our bones, but names sure aren't hurting us anymore if anyone with any name named Hussein can wind up being the president.
4) Republicans can't add. McCain aped the elephant line about not wanting to waste government spending on anything as frivolous as, say, services, except for the armed ones, of course. Then in the guise of saving money, McCain supported the Bush's outsourcing model that meant hiring companies like Halliburton and Black Water to first screw us over with cost plus contracts, then stand around and not do government work, as if they could not do their jobs any better than real government workers already don't do their jobs. Paying for corporate profits on top of the cost of poorly getting your business done is not a way to save money.
5) John McCain doesn't know what good representation is. As an AZ resident these last eight years, I have been continually amazed at Mr. Anti-Earmark's gall to suggest that not working to steer government spending back to the home folks is counts as good representation. McCain bragged about his record of having secured NO special projects for AZ. Gee thanks, John. Earmark spending is called pork barrel because that is the sign of the man we sent to Washington bringing home the bacon.
6) Take a flippin' e-mail, dude, People of the 21st century are not impressed you stopped being tech savvy when 8 tracks ruled.
7) Bitchiness is still ugly even in $150, 000 worth of business suits. And if that kind of behavior is what passes for Christianity these days, it is small wonder fire and brimstone leave such a bad taste in so many people's mouth.
8) Old War Heroes may never die, but that doesn't mean we want to hear about it for the rest of our lives.
9) If you don't like big government, quit. Come on McCain, everybody knows the US Gov. is the largest employer in the world and it needs to stay that way. Arguing that under your leadership you would shrink government translates out to saying that you are just as ruthless as any other selfish CEO who thinks nothing of laying off thousands of workers in favor of a bottom line.
10) Cities are where the people are. In urban counties across America Obama routinely snagged as much as 80% of the vote—Phoenix and Forth Worth being typical of the exceptions. Even in the reddest of states, cities went blue and when it comes down to it doesn't matter how much land you have, dirt don't vote.
11) In the end it didn't matter who all the right and the media tried to tie to Obama's coattails, the scariest affiliation remained being too closely associated with the world's leading terrorist: George Bush.
--mikel weisser writes from the Left Coast of Arizona.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Current Comedy, 11/6/08: Eleven Laugh Lines Learned in the Last ‘Lection
Current Comedy, 11/6/08: Eleven Laugh Lines Learned in the Last ‘Lection
With Obama poised Janus-like at the cross roads of American history, liberals await smoke signals. Will we finally have an agenda where a government of, for, or about the people won’t be slandered as socialist, but recognized as insuring domestic tranquility and promoting the general welfare?
Or, will tacitly accepted branding of the centrist Barack Obama as a liberal lead to a new rightward shift in the “Stereotype” of liberalism like Clinton’s election did? Keeping in mind Obama purports to be pro-Israel, pro-Death Penalty, pro-Bailout, pro-Ethanol, Clean Coal, and anti-Single Payer Health Care, giving the nod to Rahm Emanuel and Clinton –era John Podesta suggest that Obama will in some ways be a continuation of business as usual.
All of which makes it even easier for media to use Obama’s ascent as a new way to characterize what Looney tune liberal means in relation to the “liberal” president. It could be a way to right shift what the left looks like. OR,
Obama could actually be the shining secret image serious social revisionists had all been hoping for and serious neo-cons and racists had long been fearing: Barack Obama didn’t spend 20 years in Reverend’s Wright Church without listening a little now and then.
Either way, here’s some laugh lines we learned lately about the way the world has shifted:
1) You can’t win by appealing to your base. It was a lesson in this election that kept multiple Obama supporters muzzled while McCain’s crowd bit the hand that fed them. Actual liberals kept their mouths shut to let Obama cajole the mainstream crowd without getting the man hamstrung by being smeared by their reputations as happened with Wright and Ayers. Meanwhile the McCain-Palin traveling tent revival and side show threw red meat and hoked it up for the god and country crowd. Hateful hardcore Grand Old Party may have had themselves a fine old time, but watching footage of it scared the piss out of the rest of us.
2) If you throw enough crap around a bunch of it sticks … to you. And after hearing them a thousand times, really, “yes we can” is a lot more appealing 3 word summation of a world view than, “Other Guy Sucks.”
3) Your cousin Adolph can come out of hiding now. Sticks and stone will still break our bones, but names sure aren’t hurting us anymore if anyone with any name named Hussein can wind up being the president.
4) Republicans can’t add. McCain aped the elephant line about not wanting to waste government spending on anything as frivolous as, say, services, except for the armed ones, of course. Meanwhile in the guise of saving money, McCain supported the Bush’s outsourcing model that meant hiring companies like Halliburton and Black Water to do stand around and not do government work, as if they could not do their jobs any better than real government workers already don’t do their jobs. Problem is if you say you want to stop wasting government money you can’t then outsource government work to private contractors because they cost more, a lot more. Paying for corporate profits on top of the cost of poorly getting your business done is not the way to save money.
5) John McCain doesn’t know what good representation is. As an AZ resident these last eight years, I have been continually amazed at Mr. Anti-Earmark’s gall to suggest that not working to steer government spending back to the home folks is what counts as good representation of the folks who elected you. McCain bragged about his record of having secured NO special projects for AZ. Gee thanks, John. Earmark spending is called pork barrel because that is the sign of the man we sent to Washington bringing home the bacon.
6) Take a flippin’ e-mail, dude, people of the 21st century are not impressed you stopped being tech savvy when 8 tracks ruled.
7) Bitchiness is still ugly even in $150, 000 worth of business suits. And if that kind of behavior is what passes for Christianity these days, it is small wonder fire and brimstone leave such a bad taste in so many people’s mouth.
8) Old War Heroes may never die, but that doesn’t mean we want to hear about it for the rest of our lives.
9) If you don’t like big government, quit. Come on McCain, everybody knows the US Gov. is the largest employer in the world and it needs to stay that way. Arguing that under your leadership you would shrink government translates out to saying that you are just as ruthless as any other selfish CEO who thinks nothing of laying off thousands of workers in favor of a bottom line.
10) Cities are where the people are. In urban counties across America Obama routinely snagged as much as 80% of the vote—Phoenix and Forth Worth being typical of the exceptions. On the complete US county map there are red state counties large enough to swallow entire New England states, But even in the reddest of states the cities went blue and when it comes down to it doesn’t matter how much land you have, dirt don’t vote.
11) In the end it didn’t matter who all the right and the media tried to adhere to Obama’s coattails the scariest affiliation remained being too closely associated with one the world’s leading terrorists: George Bush.
--mikel weisser writes from the Left Coast of Arizona.
With Obama poised Janus-like at the cross roads of American history, liberals await smoke signals. Will we finally have an agenda where a government of, for, or about the people won’t be slandered as socialist, but recognized as insuring domestic tranquility and promoting the general welfare?
Or, will tacitly accepted branding of the centrist Barack Obama as a liberal lead to a new rightward shift in the “Stereotype” of liberalism like Clinton’s election did? Keeping in mind Obama purports to be pro-Israel, pro-Death Penalty, pro-Bailout, pro-Ethanol, Clean Coal, and anti-Single Payer Health Care, giving the nod to Rahm Emanuel and Clinton –era John Podesta suggest that Obama will in some ways be a continuation of business as usual.
All of which makes it even easier for media to use Obama’s ascent as a new way to characterize what Looney tune liberal means in relation to the “liberal” president. It could be a way to right shift what the left looks like. OR,
Obama could actually be the shining secret image serious social revisionists had all been hoping for and serious neo-cons and racists had long been fearing: Barack Obama didn’t spend 20 years in Reverend’s Wright Church without listening a little now and then.
Either way, here’s some laugh lines we learned lately about the way the world has shifted:
1) You can’t win by appealing to your base. It was a lesson in this election that kept multiple Obama supporters muzzled while McCain’s crowd bit the hand that fed them. Actual liberals kept their mouths shut to let Obama cajole the mainstream crowd without getting the man hamstrung by being smeared by their reputations as happened with Wright and Ayers. Meanwhile the McCain-Palin traveling tent revival and side show threw red meat and hoked it up for the god and country crowd. Hateful hardcore Grand Old Party may have had themselves a fine old time, but watching footage of it scared the piss out of the rest of us.
2) If you throw enough crap around a bunch of it sticks … to you. And after hearing them a thousand times, really, “yes we can” is a lot more appealing 3 word summation of a world view than, “Other Guy Sucks.”
3) Your cousin Adolph can come out of hiding now. Sticks and stone will still break our bones, but names sure aren’t hurting us anymore if anyone with any name named Hussein can wind up being the president.
4) Republicans can’t add. McCain aped the elephant line about not wanting to waste government spending on anything as frivolous as, say, services, except for the armed ones, of course. Meanwhile in the guise of saving money, McCain supported the Bush’s outsourcing model that meant hiring companies like Halliburton and Black Water to do stand around and not do government work, as if they could not do their jobs any better than real government workers already don’t do their jobs. Problem is if you say you want to stop wasting government money you can’t then outsource government work to private contractors because they cost more, a lot more. Paying for corporate profits on top of the cost of poorly getting your business done is not the way to save money.
5) John McCain doesn’t know what good representation is. As an AZ resident these last eight years, I have been continually amazed at Mr. Anti-Earmark’s gall to suggest that not working to steer government spending back to the home folks is what counts as good representation of the folks who elected you. McCain bragged about his record of having secured NO special projects for AZ. Gee thanks, John. Earmark spending is called pork barrel because that is the sign of the man we sent to Washington bringing home the bacon.
6) Take a flippin’ e-mail, dude, people of the 21st century are not impressed you stopped being tech savvy when 8 tracks ruled.
7) Bitchiness is still ugly even in $150, 000 worth of business suits. And if that kind of behavior is what passes for Christianity these days, it is small wonder fire and brimstone leave such a bad taste in so many people’s mouth.
8) Old War Heroes may never die, but that doesn’t mean we want to hear about it for the rest of our lives.
9) If you don’t like big government, quit. Come on McCain, everybody knows the US Gov. is the largest employer in the world and it needs to stay that way. Arguing that under your leadership you would shrink government translates out to saying that you are just as ruthless as any other selfish CEO who thinks nothing of laying off thousands of workers in favor of a bottom line.
10) Cities are where the people are. In urban counties across America Obama routinely snagged as much as 80% of the vote—Phoenix and Forth Worth being typical of the exceptions. On the complete US county map there are red state counties large enough to swallow entire New England states, But even in the reddest of states the cities went blue and when it comes down to it doesn’t matter how much land you have, dirt don’t vote.
11) In the end it didn’t matter who all the right and the media tried to adhere to Obama’s coattails the scariest affiliation remained being too closely associated with one the world’s leading terrorists: George Bush.
--mikel weisser writes from the Left Coast of Arizona.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Current Comedy, 11/2/08: Dewey Defeats Truman
By all rights and reasons, by the time you read this, Barack Hussein Obama should have become, or be fast on his way to becoming, the next president of the United States.
Despite all the Newsmax articles lamely linking Obama with every troublemaker from Bill Ayers to Tony Soprano (I swear!) Obama overcometh, or so it seems. Despite Fox News laughingly condescending and falsely maligning him for 18 months and Glenn Beck nightly reaching low grade orgasm in loving his loathing of the man. And Hannity and Rush and Savage and Kristol and Ingram, ad nauseum. Despite CNN pretending to journalistic integrity as they ballyhoo everybody-else’s every outlandish claim against the man. And Keith Olberman nightly discrediting liberals
Despite McCain lying about his tax cut more than one hundred times in campaign rallies and a lapdog media reporting the lie at least half as often and Palin conducting lynching parties, excuse me, I mean rallies, so Jim Crow, John Lewis himself had to step up to be crucified to get the complaint lodged. Despite being single handedly responsible for justifying the potential launch of a singing career for Joe the Plumber.
Despite the fact that many of us on the left still find ourselves analyzing how many concessions we’ve had to make with our own beliefs systems to support his campaign even though he purports to be pro-Israel, pro-Death Penalty, pro-Bailout, pro-Ethanol, Clean Coal, and anti-Single Payer Health Care.
Despite his terrorist knuckle bump, Angela Davis emulating wife, being secretly foreign born with no birth certificate, and being “officially” labeled the most liberal senator in Congress. Despite spending two years being dissed by opponents in his own party, and being hated so much by fans of the opposing party that one would fake her own beating, blacken an eye and carve a backward B into her cheek in the hopes it would somehow look right when not in a mirror, just to do her part to damage his chances.
Despite having to wake up every day and know that across the country you are probably second only to George Bush as the most hated man in America; and further knowing that only the first rounds of neo-Nazis and meth heads has yet been arrested for plotting to kill you. Knowing that if you should win the presidency the number of domestic terrorist plotting against will multiply. Despite knowing all that and still going out every day and displaying a white shirt suitable as a target.
Despite all those years secretly hanging out in Madrasas and that whole Wright-is-wrong thing, the Barry who became Barack has made the American Dream about as absolutely as can be imagined. This child’s story arc is as far a rise in American society as is possible. Twain’s Prince and the Pauper was more plausible: the two year old Black baby of divorced White female, who grows up in Indonesia and Hawaii, rises to lead a nation that once would have kept him in chains.
For Barack Obama’s story to be any more amazing he would have to sprout wings and fly, walk on water, leap tall buildings in a single bound or actually end a war, provide health care and balance a budget.
At latest count, somebody’s poll probably has him at like 70 kajillion electoral votes to McCain 41. USA Today lists nation wide voter registration increases that show new voters avoiding Republicanism like anal rashes. And yet--
And yet among many Michael Moore in what had to be one of the scariest costumes out this Halloween, the fat sloppy disillusioned liberal, comes on Democracy Now big deal Friday before Election Night episode and warns the fix is in and we have be to prepared to rise up after the fraud commences. Gore Vidal among others sends an open letter to Obama fearing fraud and begging him not to concede. The race that looks so winning is not even run yet and his supporters are already rehearsing their consolation speeches.
With the Crab bucket mentality of Republicans however, anything is possible. You know the story of the crab bucket: it doesn’t have to be too deep a hole to keep crabs captive. For any time one tries to rise up the others pull him down. As we read about the GDP contracting on the same day we see Exxon breaking new quarterly profit records, Repubs aim to win on the backs of the Average Joes they are helping hate him. The Republican scorched earth campaign has burnt many bridges that will have to be rebuilt. If Obama wins all the hate will be left over and focused on him.
But if McCain wins, as James Carville has warned, expect riots. But keep this in mind: even with thousands being thrown off the rolls, waves of voters intimidation expected, electronically aided vote flipping and absent absentee votes already reported, record voter turn-out met by minimal preparation and the typical sundry shenanigans, it should not be enough to keep this thing from still looking like anything less than a landslide.
Dewey Defeats Truman? Could be. We’ve seen some pretty far-fetched scenarios shoved down our throat during these last eight years. The possibility is not even in doubt. The question is what happens if we decide not to swallow it this time?
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of Arizona.
Despite all the Newsmax articles lamely linking Obama with every troublemaker from Bill Ayers to Tony Soprano (I swear!) Obama overcometh, or so it seems. Despite Fox News laughingly condescending and falsely maligning him for 18 months and Glenn Beck nightly reaching low grade orgasm in loving his loathing of the man. And Hannity and Rush and Savage and Kristol and Ingram, ad nauseum. Despite CNN pretending to journalistic integrity as they ballyhoo everybody-else’s every outlandish claim against the man. And Keith Olberman nightly discrediting liberals
Despite McCain lying about his tax cut more than one hundred times in campaign rallies and a lapdog media reporting the lie at least half as often and Palin conducting lynching parties, excuse me, I mean rallies, so Jim Crow, John Lewis himself had to step up to be crucified to get the complaint lodged. Despite being single handedly responsible for justifying the potential launch of a singing career for Joe the Plumber.
Despite the fact that many of us on the left still find ourselves analyzing how many concessions we’ve had to make with our own beliefs systems to support his campaign even though he purports to be pro-Israel, pro-Death Penalty, pro-Bailout, pro-Ethanol, Clean Coal, and anti-Single Payer Health Care.
Despite his terrorist knuckle bump, Angela Davis emulating wife, being secretly foreign born with no birth certificate, and being “officially” labeled the most liberal senator in Congress. Despite spending two years being dissed by opponents in his own party, and being hated so much by fans of the opposing party that one would fake her own beating, blacken an eye and carve a backward B into her cheek in the hopes it would somehow look right when not in a mirror, just to do her part to damage his chances.
Despite having to wake up every day and know that across the country you are probably second only to George Bush as the most hated man in America; and further knowing that only the first rounds of neo-Nazis and meth heads has yet been arrested for plotting to kill you. Knowing that if you should win the presidency the number of domestic terrorist plotting against will multiply. Despite knowing all that and still going out every day and displaying a white shirt suitable as a target.
Despite all those years secretly hanging out in Madrasas and that whole Wright-is-wrong thing, the Barry who became Barack has made the American Dream about as absolutely as can be imagined. This child’s story arc is as far a rise in American society as is possible. Twain’s Prince and the Pauper was more plausible: the two year old Black baby of divorced White female, who grows up in Indonesia and Hawaii, rises to lead a nation that once would have kept him in chains.
For Barack Obama’s story to be any more amazing he would have to sprout wings and fly, walk on water, leap tall buildings in a single bound or actually end a war, provide health care and balance a budget.
At latest count, somebody’s poll probably has him at like 70 kajillion electoral votes to McCain 41. USA Today lists nation wide voter registration increases that show new voters avoiding Republicanism like anal rashes. And yet--
And yet among many Michael Moore in what had to be one of the scariest costumes out this Halloween, the fat sloppy disillusioned liberal, comes on Democracy Now big deal Friday before Election Night episode and warns the fix is in and we have be to prepared to rise up after the fraud commences. Gore Vidal among others sends an open letter to Obama fearing fraud and begging him not to concede. The race that looks so winning is not even run yet and his supporters are already rehearsing their consolation speeches.
With the Crab bucket mentality of Republicans however, anything is possible. You know the story of the crab bucket: it doesn’t have to be too deep a hole to keep crabs captive. For any time one tries to rise up the others pull him down. As we read about the GDP contracting on the same day we see Exxon breaking new quarterly profit records, Repubs aim to win on the backs of the Average Joes they are helping hate him. The Republican scorched earth campaign has burnt many bridges that will have to be rebuilt. If Obama wins all the hate will be left over and focused on him.
But if McCain wins, as James Carville has warned, expect riots. But keep this in mind: even with thousands being thrown off the rolls, waves of voters intimidation expected, electronically aided vote flipping and absent absentee votes already reported, record voter turn-out met by minimal preparation and the typical sundry shenanigans, it should not be enough to keep this thing from still looking like anything less than a landslide.
Dewey Defeats Truman? Could be. We’ve seen some pretty far-fetched scenarios shoved down our throat during these last eight years. The possibility is not even in doubt. The question is what happens if we decide not to swallow it this time?
--mikel weisser writes from the left coast of Arizona.
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